Thank you for breaking me!

I am still angry at you for making me distance myself from people that I once trusted, but I don't regret doing so because they were not really my friends. Maybe I didn't want to see their true faces, but you forced me to see them. I can't say just how many times you disappointed me. When I said you couldn't get worse you made that happen. Love can make people confused. You are in pain but under anesthetic. When the lie shatters so does your world. I wanted to trust you too much, so much more than you ever deserved. I listened to you lie to me knowing the truth. The dirt inside you infected me. I got sick. I couldn't think straight. I was so sick I wanted to take my heart out. I had ideas in my head no normal person should have. There was a time I thought I was fine, but you did one last thing that filled the cup. One might think it was a small issue, but for me it wasn't. All the things that you did hit me again at the same time. All the hurt from all those bad times invaded my soul. My world was not mine anymore. I felt the depths of desperation once again but so much worse than before. You shouldn't feel embarrassed by me telling my story to others, because you were not embarrassed when you lied. You are no victim. There are so many victims around you that don't realize they are your victims.
I thank you for making me meet another me. When I hid inside myself I met another me. She was shaking when she saw me. She was so sensitive and weak that I was afraid of her. I embraced her and I fell into her. Now I cry more often. I occasionally surrender to depression. I don't smile to everyone anymore. I don't say yes to everyone anymore. I learned to accept this because I received so much more instead. I smartened up. I learned to see through words and people. I received love, hate, care, pain, fear, courage, desperation, compassion, empathy, anger, anguish, frustration, loneliness, creativity, sadness, numerous emotions, and a gate opened. The gate that unlocked my talent. I could draw and paint now. Art can't be created without feelings. I know I will grow into someone I will like. I pity you because only I know the truth. Your gate is shut. You closed it a long time ago and forgot where you placed the key.  No matter what lies you say to the ones around you, you lost your true self.

Thank you for releasing me!